what a failure i am

here i am lying on my bed,reflecting on my actions these few days.I must say that I was a fool and stubborn.Did not think before acting out.Sometimes i wished i was gone frm this earth as i dont want to be an problem causer and a burden to people but well ending my life is a stupid idea and cowards would onli think of that. I always ask mysself when will I change for the betterwhy cant i be like the first few yrs in chc,regularly attending services and not dragging to go cellgrp. As some ppl say : the spirit is strong but the flesh is weak. well is this what i want? Lazyness just keep on remaindin in my flesh, i wanna do well in the o levels so i must kick that habit. I really don't know why im such a failure. i really hate myself for this.